[Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman)
And everyone should get along..
Okay children quiet downquiet down
Children I d like to introduce our new substitute teacher for the day
His name is Mr. Shady
Children quiet down please
Brian don t throw that (SHUT UP!)
Mr. Shady will be your new substitute
while Mr. Kaniff is out with pneumonia (HE S GOT AIDS!)
Good luck Mr. Shady
[Eminem]
Hi there little boys and girls (FUCK YOU!)
Today we re gonna to learn how to poison squirrels
But firstI d like you to meet my friend Bob (Huh?)
Say hi Bob! ("Hi Bob") Bob s 30 and still lives with his mom
and he don t got a jobcause Bob sits at home and smokes pot
but his twelve-year old brother looks up to him an awful lot
And Bob likes to hang out at the local waffle spot
and wait in the parkin lot for waitresses off the clock
when it s late and the lot gets dark and fake like he walks his dog
Drag em in the woods and go straight to the chopping blocks (AHH!)
And even if they escaped and they got the cops
the ladies would all be so afraidthey would drop the charge
til one night Mrs. Stacey went off the job
when she felt someone grab her whole face and said not to talk
But Stacey knew it was Bob and said knock it off
But Bob wouldn t knock it off cause he s crazy and off his rocker
Crazier than Slim Shady is off the vodka
You couldn t even take him to Dre s to get Bob a "Dr."
He grabbed Stace by the legs as chopped it off her
and dropped her off in the lake for the cops to find her
But ever since the day Stacey went off to wander
they never found herand Bob still hangs at the waffle diner
And that s the story of Bob and his marijuana
and what it might do to you
So see if the squirrels want any - it s bad for you
Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)
See childrendrugs are bahhhd (c mon)
and if you don t believe meask ya dahhhd (ask him man)
and if you don t believe himask ya mom (that s right)
She ll tell you how she does em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (that s right)
So you don t act like everyone else does (uh-huh)
Then there s really nothin else to say (sing along)
Drugs are just badmmm kay?
[Eminem]
My penis is the size of a peanuthave you seen it?
FUCK NO you ain t seen itit s the size of a peanut (Huh?)
Speakin of peanutsyou know what else is bad for squirrels?
Ecstasy is the worst drug in the world
If someone ever offers it to youdon t do it
Kids two hits ll probably drain all your spinal fluid
and spinal fluid is finalyou won t get it back
So don t get attachedit ll attack every bone in your back
Meet Zachtwenty-one years old
After hangin out with some friends at a frat partyhe gets bold
and decides to try fivewhen he s bribed by five guys
and peer pressure will win every time you try to fight it
Suddenlyhe starts to convulse and his pulse goes into hyperdrive
and his eyes roll back in his skull {*blblblblblb*}
His back starts tah - look like the McDonald s Arches
He s on Donald s carpetlayin horizontal barfin {*BLEH*}
And everyone in the apartment starts laughin at him
"Hey AdamZach is a jackasslook at him!"
cause they took it tooso they think it s funny
So they re laughing at basically nothing except maybe wasting his money
MeanwhileZach s in a comathe action is over
and his back and his shoulders hunched up like he s practicin yoga
And that s the story of Zachthe ecstasy maniac
So don t even feed that to squirrels classcause it s bad for you
Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)
See childrendrugs are bahhhd (that s right)
and if you don t believe meask ya dahhhd (that s right)
and if you don t believe himask ya mom (you can)
She ll tell you how she does em all the time (she will)
So kids say no to drugs (smoke crack)
So you don t act like everyone else does (that s right)
And there s really nothin else to say (but umm)
Drugs are just badmmm kay?
[Eminem]
And last but not leastone of the most humungous
problems among young people todayis fungus
It grows from cow manurethey pick it outwipe it off
bag it upand you put it right in your mouth and chew it
Yum yum! Then you start to see some dumb stuff
And everything slows down when you eat some of em..
And sometimes you see things that aren t there (Like what?)
Like fat woman in G-strings with orange hair
(Mr. Shady what s a G-string?) It s yarn Claire
Women stick em up their behindsgo out and wear em (Huh?)
And if you swallow too much of the magic mushrooms
Whoopsdid I say magic mushrooms? I meant fungus
Ya tongue getsall swoll up like a cow s tongue (How come?)
cause it comes from a cow s dung (Gross!!)
See drugs are badit s a common fact
But your mom and dadknow that s all that I m good at (Oh!)
But don t be mecause if you grow up and you go and O.D.
They re gonna come for me and I ma have to grow a goatee
and get a disguise and hidecause it ll be my fault
So don t do drugsand do exactly as I don t
cause I m bad for you
Chorus: Mr. Mackey (Eminem)
See childrendrugs are bahhhd (uh-huh)
and if you don t believe meask ya dahhhd (put that down)
and if you don t believe himask ya mom (you can ask)
She ll tell you how she does em all the time (and she will)
So kids say no to drugs (say no)
So you don t act like everyone else does (like I do)
And there s really nothin else to say (that s right)
Drugs are just badmmm kay?
[Mr. Mackey] (Eric Cartman)
Come on childrenclap along (SHUT UP!)
Sing along children (Suck my motherfuckin dick!)
Drugs are just baddrugs are just bad (South Park is gonna sue me!)
So don t do drugs (Suck my motherfuckin penis!)
so there ll be more for me (Hippie! God damnit!)
(Mushrooms killed Kenny! *fart* Ewwwahhh!)
(Sofucked upright now..)
[replaced "Kim" on the CLEAN VERSION of the album;]
[if you can t find a copy of the album try NAPSTER.com]

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