If the folks next door to me weren t so good
I d do all the mean things anybody could
I d drink and I d gamble and I d louse around
I d be the meanest man in this whole town

If I hadn t seen the light in that old lady s eyes
I d try to be a man you would hate and despise
I d rave and I d rant and I d scream and yell
And I d chase my neighbors from here to hell

If I hadn t heard those kids laugh playing games
I d have nervous fitsI d go insane
I d turpentine cats and tin can dogs
I d smother people to death inside of hollow logs

If the people around me wasn t so nice
I d freeze my heart into a cake of ice
Steal money from soldiers and working folks too
I d lend you a dollar and take back two

If my wife didn t kiss me the way she does
I d carry four or five daggers and three or four guns
I d shoot craps and ramble and hang out late
I d steal baby buggies and Cadillac Eights

If my friends didn t write me those letters I get
I d be a dictatorthe worse one yet
I d be the only smart birdyou d all be fools
Send you all away to war and I d stay home and rule

If it wasn t for them songs I hear you all sing
I d put a crown on my dome and I d say I m your king
I d kidnap some and blackmail others
I d peddle black market stuff and rob sisters and brothers

If it weren t for your talking I hear on the street
I d be the orneriest man that you ever did meet
I d preach the gospel of hate and I d drink your blood
But I can t be this bad because my folks are too good
No I can t be this bad because my folks are too good

- Back to the Songs of the Album Mermaid Avenue Vol Ii

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